


Shouldn't Be Your Idea Of Fun

by narrywings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic!Niall, Confused!Niall, Fluff and Angst, Harry trying to help, Hospitalization, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Rehabilitation, Worried!Bandmates, Worried!Harry, drunk!Niall, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narrywings/pseuds/narrywings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall’s got a problem and its a little alcoholic. Featuring: Very drunk (to the point of nearly fatal) Niall and worried/angst/slightly jealous Harry. Fluffy and smutty at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shouldn't Be Your Idea Of Fun

**Author's Note:**

> So this one is a little something I have been wanting to write for a while. It's slightly angst in the middle and if you don't like a sad lonely confused Niall I advise you don't read. Although it does get better and if a comforting Harry is your thing then please go ahead and read! Feedback is always appreciated, so feel free to let me know what you thought of it! :D

Niall knows he shouldn’t. Somewhere inside him alarm bells are ringing. He really shouldn’t be doing this. He’ll be letting a ton of people down: his fans, their management, his parent, their crew… His boys…

Harry…

But he just can’t stop himself somehow. Alcohol is the only escape he knows.

Things have been pretty tough recently. Its been mad while on tour, moving from one place to another and never getting much sleep from one day to the next. Its all a bit much really. They’ve got such tough schedules and rehearsals, and they always have to be on top of their game no matter what. They don’t want to disappoint anyone. People are coming to see them, people are paying to see them, and so it has to be perfect.

There just seems to be so much responsibility. They can’t so anything wrong because of what will happen if they do. Niall knows for a fact he’s cracking under the weight of everything. He just can’t handle it.

But he can’t tell the boys this. They see him as the happy, cheerful smiley one, and they always come to him when they aren’t feeling to good themselves. He can’t let them down and burden them with his troubles when they’re struggling just as much.

So he turns to something else, something that won’t look at him with so much disappointment when he fucks up.

It only starts as a few sneaky drinks now and then. Sometimes after rehearsals he’ll sneak away down to the nearest shady bar, where he wont be recognised by anyone. The bartenders are happy enough to serve him it seems when he pays that little bit extra. It’s fine its not like he’s getting plastered and it sooths his nerves. He’s still in complete control.

But then Harry Fucking Styles happens!

He’s always been fond of Harry. He’s great, he really is, and Niall always finds himself having a laugh when he’s around him. Harry doesn’t judge him, he doesn’t find him annoying, and he’s drop dead fuckable too. Niall knows before he even falls for him that he’s going to. So when he does it doesn’t come as much of a surprise. He’s always liked people for who they are and not what they are, male or female it doesn’t really register with him.

He knows Harry is like that too and it gives him this annoying sense of hope. But when he thinks on it for a while and combines it with the fact that Harry always refers to them all as his brothers he crushes any potential hope of a relationship with him. It’s for the best he tells himself and continues to watch from afar. It’s much safer that way for the both of them.

It doesn’t matter anyway he tells himself and whenever Harry does something that make his heart clench painfully or flush crimson he just adds another shot to his tab and gets a little drunker each night. The lads never know when he’s been drinking. They stopped sharing rooms about six months ago, so it doesn’t matter when he comes back anymore, they’ll never know; and that’s the way he’d rather keep it.

But he knows for sure he’s lost weight recently, he’s stopped eating as much since he’s not been feeling right, and this bothers him. Their stylist keeps tabs on things like that for safety reasons or something and Niall knows she’s going to notice sooner or later.

The boys are beginning to look at him odd to when he comes down to breakfast and declines any offers made.

“Did I hear that right? Niall, Niall Horan denying food. It can’t be! Liam hold me! I don’t feel right!" Louis yells dramatically from his seat and feigns fainting.

Liam rolls his eyes at him before turning to look at him worriedly.

“Niall, you’ve got to eat something. We’ve got a long day of interviews today and who knows when we’re next going to be able to eat" Niall knows it’s Liam’s paternal instincts taking over again, but Niall can’t help but want him to just leave it alone. Leave him alone.

They all baby him. It’s ridiculous sometimes just how much they do. Always worrying and making sure he’s okay and he has no idea why it even started. The last time he checked Harry was the youngest, not him.

“I’m fine. Just think I’m sickening for something is all" he tells them and moves to take a seat next to Zayn, who throws an arm around his shoulder for comfort.

Louis shoots a serious look at Liam and suddenly he’s not making fun anymore, as he watches Niall close his eyes. Niall hates that about Louis at times. He’s one of the most careless people he knows, and is always messing about, but he’s also one of the most perceptive people he knows too.

So his little lone drinking sessions continue without comment from anyone and Niall feels like he can handle that. he’s just thankful that no paps have managed to catch him.

Louis’s recently had a fight with his girlfriend Eleanor and he’s not dealing with it well. He doesn’t say what it was over, but Niall knows the moment he goes into Louis’s room to return the jacket he borrowed earlier go to pub in that something’s wrong.

He’s got this look on his face that Niall knows all to well. It’s that look that tells him that he’s upset but when in the company of others it’s well hidden behind his eyes. But Niall’s got this scarily good sense of empathy and he can feel it oozing of Louis miles away. He sighs still feeling a little funny from his latest drinking exploit, but he has his job of being the cheerful happy go lucky Irish member to do and so he goes in anyway. 

“Lou?" he calls to him and Louis jerks up in shock look at him and instantly putting a bright look on his face grinning at him when he catches sight of him in the doorway.

“Niall!" He yells tapping the space beside him on the bed, urging him to come in and make himself comfortable.

Niall takes him up on the offer and makes his way into the room dodging the mess that covers the floor of his hotel room. He sits next to him and leans his head on his shoulder in a comforting manner. Louis return to gestures and leans his head atop of his.

“Everything okay? You had another fall out with Ellie didn’t you?" he asks softy deliberately using the nickname that he had given her ages ago.

Louis sucks in a breath at words and Niall knows he’s hit it on the head. Louis can be very obvious at times, and Niall knows all of boys well enough now to know when something’s wrong. He’s certainly not as dim as people seem to think.

“You know you’re more perceptive then what people give you credit for. I’ll have start sticking up for you more on the matter. But it doesn’t matter, everything will be fine in the morning. It always is" Louis tells him sighing deeply, but Niall hears the shakiness in his voice as he does.

He turns around and pulls Louis into a tight hug and Louis returns it tighter and rests his head into the cook of Niall’s neck.

He doesn’t know why he stays in the end. Maybe it’s cause Louis asks him with his eyes, or maybe he just wants the comfort of another person. He can’t have Harry but maybe he can pretend for a night that someone cares in a way Harry never will. Even if Louis does a girlfriend who he clearly loves, right now it’s Niall he wants to be there with him, if only for the night.

He doesn’t go back to the alcohol that night and for once in what feels like a long time his feels wanted, needed, and like he doesn’t need to feel the burn of alcohol burning his throat.

He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear the sound of the door opening and then swiftly closing again as he falls asleep.

He knows today is going to fun straight away and he already can’t wait to hit the mini bar later and forget everything for a while.

Harry is acting odd with him. He won’t look at him when they all go for breakfast together. He won’t walk next to him, he won’t sit next to him and avoids eye contact with him all together. Niall doesn’t get it, and it hurts so much because he doesn’t know what it is he’s even done.

He doesn’t touch his food that morning, instead he pushes it around his plate and makes it look like he’s eaten some when he hasn’t.

Harry still doesn’t talk to him even when they are forced to sit next to each other in the car on the way to one of their many interviews for the day. He vows to hit the vodka as soon as he gets chance, it’s now become his only remedy for this loneliness and hurt.

During the interview he finds himself speaking as little as he possibly can. But the interviewer is doing that annoying thing where she asks them a question each. He managed so far to get away with only saying a couple of words during each of his answers and trying to leave as little up for expansion as possible. It’s been working well so far and he knows it’s annoying the woman greatly.

Sadly the boys have caught on that he’s not been his normal bright, bubbly, cheerful self and they watch him quietly as he picks at the food that Zayn’s place in front of him.

“You’ve got to eat something Niall" Zayn tells him looking worried. "You didn’t eat anything this morning, there’s no way you’re not hungry now”

The other boys know that even when Niall is ill he’ll still try and eat as much as he can. It’s just the way Niall is. The boy has said it before that his two passions are music and food; and they know something is wrong when Niall doesn’t eat. It’s clearly serious.

“I swear I’m just not feeling well is all, I reckon I’ll be sick if I eat anything at this point" Niall tells them wearily.

The nights have been taking there toll on him he knows and right now all he wants is a hug, preferably off Harry if possible. But Harry’s been acting off with him all day now and he still doesn’t know why and he certainly isn’t about to ask.

“I think I might go and take a walk" he murmurs and pushes back onto his feet.

Liam looks a little unsure about letting him go and exchanges a look with Louis. Louis is up on his feet right away moving to his side with a smile. He’s been with him most of the day and Niall knows it’s payment for the other night.

“I’ll go with you!" he chirps and links his arm through Niall’s and pretends to gush at him like they’re teenaged girls gossiping.

To his right Niall hears Harry scoff and turn away from them leaving the room and storming off into the bathroom. 

Louis rolls his eyes at the retreating boy.

“Don’t mind him. He’s been grumpy since this morning. I reckon he’s been searching the news again and come across another negative post about himself. You know how bad he takes it." he says smiling at Niall warmly. 

“Yeah…" Niall agrees softly, but he knows it can’t be that. Harry would have already said something by now. But instead he’s been acting funny with him and not any of the others boys. It’s him. He’s done something and he knows it. "Actually Lou, I kind of just want some lone time right now, you don’t mind do you?”

Louis does look a little put out by Niall’s rejection, but he tries not to show it and simply drops his arm from Niall’s and takes a step back.

“No, no, sure" he says waving his hands about. "You go ahead!”

“Just don’t go too far, and make sure to come back on time. I don’t want to take the flack from Paul for you being late!” Liam yells as he turns to leave.

It’s cool outside and Niall enjoys the air against his warm skin. He walks for what feels like miles. He knows he might even be lost, but he doesn’t really care right now. He just wants to know when all of this, the life he’s living, became so empty and meaningless.

He wants to know when he started feeling like he couldn’t talk to the boys who felt more like brothers to him. He wants to know why he hasn’t spoken to any of his friends from back home about his, to Sean, to Darragh, to Dylan. He wants to know why his own older brother doesn’t know, his mother, his father. Not even his celebrity friends such as Niall Breslin or Eoghan McDermott…

He’s normally such an open person. So why hasn’t he said anything to any of the people above? They all fall under the list of the people he genuinely trusts and that are important to him. So why?

It’s simple in the end he guesses…

He’s scared.

He’s never felt this empty and alone in his whole life. He’s so used to being happy and carefree that he actually doesn’t know what to do or say or who to turn to; and that truly petrifies him to his core. What the hell would any of them say? His family would just worry and demand he come home, they always tell him to if things ever become to much. He knows for sure that Sean, Darragh and Dylan would tell him to go and drink it out and move on, and normally that would work, its been his escape so far. Niall Breslin would definitely pull him out of the band straight away if he knew. He would fret and worry and talk him through everything and probably really look after him. But that’s not an option right now as far as Niall is concerned. He can’t just take a break right now, they’re on tour and he can’t let the band down. He doesn’t doubt for a second that if he told Eoghan Niall Breslin would definitely found out and so he’s back to square one.

And the boys… Well he knows they would be disappointed in him, and he can’t deal with that right now. It just might break him.

When he finally takes in where he is he realises that he’s no longer anywhere near the studio anymore. In fact it looks like he’s in town…

He see a pub and automatically heads for it. The bottom of a glass is all he sees for the next three hours.

His phone has been ringing on and off for the last hour and a half. The boys have been calling constantly but after a while new names had begun to start flashing up at him. Sean, Bressie, Preston, Lou Teasdale, Darragh, Eoghan, Dylan, Paul, the list goes on and on. They must all now know he’s walked out on the interviews. But he really doesn’t care right now and simply adds another drink to the collection.

The guy behind the bar doesn’t even ask for his ID when he slips him another forty dollars uncaringly. He seems to know it’s payment for him to just let it slip as he orders another bottle of something strong. He’s not completely drunk and he can just about think straight right now, but he knows he won’t be able to for long. God, he really doesn’t even care right now.

Fuck his reputation, he’s Irish. Fuck his career, it was bound to go down in flames eventually. Fuck his management, they can’t tell him what to do. And fuck Harry Styles! That douche doesn’t have the right to make him feel like this!

His phone then buzzes again and Niall glances at it and begins to mentally take bets on who it might be this time. Maybe one of the lads…

His heart freezes in his chest when he sees Greg’s name flash across the screen.

Oh God no…

Greg can’t know. If Greg knows then his mum and dad will know and then his Gran and all the rest of the family. Greg, he’ll be so upset with him. So disappointed… He can’t deal with that.

He fumbles with the buttons on the phone and swipes at the screen wildly before managing to get it to answer the call.

“Niall!? Niall, are you there!?" Greg practically shouts at him down the phone sounding so worried and concerned for him. It break Niall’s heart to hear him so worked up and scared, and what’s worse he knows its for him.

“Greg?" he asks back not knowing what to say.

“Niall, where the hell are you? The lads are so worried about you. Apparently you went missing half way through the interviews you were doing today. What are you doing?" He asks a montage of questions and Niall’s mind is only catching half of them.

“I, I’m in a pub called “Last Glass” somewhere. Needed to get away" he answers softly. Why does he suddenly hurt? His stomach fee like its on fire. What’s happening?

“Oh God Niall. What’s going on littler brother? Just tell me you’re safe okay? You’re not hurt are you? This isn’t like you, and I’m really worried. Do you need to come home? I can speak to Paul for you if you want?" Greg’s voice is getting further and further away from him all of a sudden and he has no idea what he’s saying.

His hearts racing with fear as his ears drown out and his vision becomes speckled with black dots and blurry.

“Niall?”

He goes stand and has to brace himself against the table to steady himself. Why can’t he support himself? He hasn’t done anything to his knee recently.

“Niall? Are you there? Niall!”

He blinks rapidly trying to clear his line of vision, but the dots won’t move. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he knows for sure his breathing has suddenly gone very rapid and he’d struggling to get much needed air into his lungs. He’s having a panic attack he’s sure of it.

“NIALL!”

His phone clatters to the floor with a sharp bang. His body gives one more violent sway before it fails him and he goes crashing to the floor knocking his head on the side of the table. He doesn’t even register the pain as his eyes close. The last thing he sees is a glass of vodka rolling away from him.

Traitor…

-X-

The steady sound of beeping is the first thing he hears when he wakes. He goes to smack his alarm and switch it off for good. He can’t deal with this shit right now, and he doesn’t even know what the hell happened last night but knows he must have gone drinking again. However as he reaches out to grab his phone and turn the alarm off, he realises that he can’t find it.

Then he notices that there’s something over his face blowing air into his lungs. He feels an uncomfortable tugging at his arm, which to his horror he finds is a drip. His mind begins to do cartwheels as he pieces all this together.

Oh shit… He’s in hospital.

The white walls, floors and sheets prove it. The boys are sitting around the room curled into plastic white chairs, which look far from comfortable; and Niall silently thanks God that they’re asleep right now. But there’s only three of them. Liam on the right, Zayn on the left and Louis in the middle. His heart sinks. Where’s Harry?

It’s then his eyes drop to the bed and he finds Harry slumped over his bed, his head resting near to his elbow and hand intertwined with his.

Immediately he panics, because this means that they know. They know what he’s been doing and that is not good. He hears the heart monitor begin the pick up speed next to him and his breathing goes funny again. The oxygen pumps faster trying to steady him, hissing at him. The noise must wake Harry from his sleep because his stirs and raises his head. As soon as his eyes meet his own terrified ones he bolts up straight.

"Niall?" he asks a little breathless.

He doesn’t makes a sound and Harry then realises his panicked state and slams his hand onto the nurses alarm. He then takes Niall’s hand in his again and starts to murmur soft words to him trying calm him. But it’s no use and by the time the nurses are pouring in they quickly decide to shove something in his drip that will knock him out again.

Once he’s back into the black he was before he feels much calmer and just lets himself be taken.

He starts hearing voices…

Well just one voice in particular really. He can’t make out who it is or put a name them. But he knows that he’s heard them before. In fact it’s really familiar and that comforts him slightly. They’re always talking to him, saying things. They always sound upset though, and keep begging for him to wake up, but Niall’s not sure how to at this point.

“Please Niall. Please wake up. Just show me some sort of sign you can hear me right now. Move your hand or finger, even just a twitch. I’m so sorry… I never meant to ignore you, I feel like this is all my fault. I was just so jealous… I saw you in Louis’s room that night. The night when you were with him. I just felt like I didn’t have any chance at all with you… Shit… I didn’t, I don’t… Well I guess it don’t matter if I tell you now… You can’t hear me can you? I love you… I love you so much, and I wish I could tell you when you’re awake, but I can’t. I don’t want to ruin what we have and scare you off. Not that I deserve you anyway. You’re far too good for someone like me. But please, please wake up, I’m begging you! God, why did you have to do this! It’s not like you at all!”

Whoever it is breaks into tears afterwards and Niall instantly feel bad.

Don’t cry Harry… 

Harry? 

Oh God, he thinks when he realises. But he doesn’t get anymore time to dwell on it when sleep claims him again.

The next time he wakes he isn’t as caught off guard. He knows he’s in hospital now and it doesn’t panic him like it did before. But he’s still scared of what’s going to happen to him now. They were in the middle of the tour after all and he doesn’t know how long he was out for still. 

But he finds the rest of the boys in the same position as they were last time he woke up and Harry is still leaning over his bed near his elbow fast asleep. 

“Harry?" he crokes, his voice is still scratchy from disuse and Niall’s glad he doesn’t have to sing right now because he sounds awful.

Harry comes around again slowly and looks up at him through a thick curl of hair hanging is eyes. He’s just as shocked as before to see him awake and quickly slams the nurses call button for help. 

“Niall!" he practically yells and this alerts the others. 

He’s soon surrounded by them all asking him questions that he doesn’t want to think about right now. Thankfully a doctor intervenes at the right moment and tells them all to take a step back and give him some much needed room to breathe. He’s got a notepad and pen in hand and is looking at him with a very stern gaze. Niall spots Paul leaning against the door in the corner of his eye wondering where an earth he came from and how long he’s been here. 

“Well Mr. Horan it seems your awake” he says and gives him a once over look. “I’m just going to ask you a few questions to check that the bump to your head didn’t leave any lasting damage. If you can just answer them as best you can. We’ll start with your first name" 

“It’s Niall" he says softly glancing back to the bed.

“Good, and what’s your date of birth?" 

“13th of September" 

“Your occupation?" 

He pauses for a moment. Is he even considered part of the band at the moment, after all he’s fucked up big time and no ones going to want to speak to him after doing something as stupid as this surly. But the worried looks from his silence panic him again and he goes for it for now. 

“I’m in a band, s’called One Direction" he slurs clearly still tired from being out so long. 

The doctor smiles and writes a few more notes down on his paper then looks back to him with tame stern expression from before. Niall dreads to think what’s coming next.

"I would say you are a very lucky boy. For saying how much alcohol you were drinking each night your kidneys had a very lucky escape. There’s no lasting damage, though I have no idea how they managed to keep themselves together from the stress you were putting them through. Your stomach had to be pumped to drain it from your system and you might feel a little sore for a while, but that’s completely normal and we’ll give you something to take the edge off the pain. The bump to your head doesn’t seem to have had any lasting effects on you. But its always best to keep an eyes on things, so if you start to feel dizzy or light headed at all make sure to get yourself to your doctor immediately” he then pauses again and gives Niall a softer look which throws him off guard. "But we do need to discuss the cause behind the drinking now”

Niall feels himself freeze up and eyes dart around the room uncomfortably. He’s not going to have to talk in front of them surly? He can’t. They can’t know! 

Thankfully the doctor seems to get this and turns to Paul and says something to him discreetly. The next thing Niall knows the boys are being ushered from the room and he and doctor are now alone.

“Right. So how did this start?" 

He breaks.

-X- 

Harry sits outside with the others in silence. No one has said anything since they he had had the frantic phone call from a panicked Greg. He’d told he that he had managed to get through to Niall and that Niall had told him the name of the pub he was in. Paul had driven them down to the there after finding out where it was from one of the people who worked in the studio, and he’d grabbed Preston on the way. 

The pub had been half an hour away which proved that Niall hadn’t simply gone for a stroll down the road. However what had worried them most was the fact that Greg had said Niall had been slurring his words and he was sure he had been drunk. He’d then said the line had gone dead after a loud bang at the other end.

When they had got to pub the ambulance had already been there and they had been wheeling Niall into the back.

Harry had thought his heart was going to stop in his chest there and then. He’d practically flung the car door off it’s hinges as he’d tried to get out and get to Niall’s side. He’d shouted to them begging them to wait and let him ride with them. The other boys were there to stop him from interfering. Paul was speaking to one of the paramedics trying to find out what was going on. The next thing they knew he was jumping in the back and shouting over to Preston telling him to meet them there. Preston was then tugging at him, pulling him away, but all he could see was the image of Niall lying so still, so pale on the stretcher.

It was no better once they were at the hospital. They found Paul sitting in the waiting room, head in his hands.

“Paul!" he shouts over.

The man turns his head and then stands when he sees them.

“What’s happening?”

"Is he okay?!" 

"What have they said?!" 

"Please say they know something?"

They all speak at once, a cluster of voices becoming one. Paul puts his hands up and they stop suddenly at the signal.

“Just stop for a minuet. They don’t know much at the moment. Only that he’s consumed a large amount of alcohol and they’re pumping his stomach" Paul told them looking strained. They know Paul looks to them as his surrogate sons and so he’s probably just as worried as them right now.

They sit in silence for what feels like hours until a doctor walks down the corridor, clipboard in hand, and face grim.

They all jump when him see him and crowd around eager for news.

“So what’s happening doctor?" Paul asks.

He sighs and looks down at the clip board again.

“Well things don’t look good really if I’m honest. It looks like Mr Horan has consumed a lot of alcohol and from the looks of it, it isn’t just on this occasion. I sent Niall’s blood work in for an emergency test and it’s from the results it shows that he has been drinking well over the recommended limit for a while. If this had gone on for much longer the results could have been… Well fatal” 

Harry goes stock still. 

Fatal… 

The words burn into his mind, and he feels sick. The others look no better and Louis gone very pale and still; which isn’t like him at all.

“Can we see him?” Paul asks sounding a little chocked up. 

“Of course” the doctor says. “He’s still asleep right now. But we expect he may wake up soon, when he does he may be a little disorientated and confused, but please call the nurse as soon as he does” 

“Of course, thank you” 

Niall’s so still, and so, so pale. It’s scary to see. Normally he’s like a wild fire, so alive and always moving. It’s one of the many, many things Harry loves about him. He’s always so happy, and smiling. But now, now he’s just there not really doing anything, and the image makes Harry want to cry. He’s hooked up too all sorts of different machines and there’s a ventilation system keeping him breathing through a mask on his face. Harry knows if Niall was awake he would have cringed and squirmed from the two needles in his arms. He hates needles and it’s one of the reasons he won’t get a tattoo.

Louis takes the seat next to Niall’s bed instantly and cradles his hand in his own. He drops his head to the blankets on the bed and lets out a sob. 

“I’m so sorry Niall. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it. I made you to listen to me harp on about my problems and yet you must have been suffering so much more. I know you didn’t do this for fun. You couldn’t of. I wish you had told me whatever it is that’s wrong… Oh God how did we not see? How did we not know? Why didn’t you say something?” he trails off and just cries at Niall’s side. 

Liam comes over and places a hand on Louis’s shoulder rubbing small circles there in a comforting manner. 

“Why do you think he did it?” Zayn asks from the corner. 

They’ve been there most of the evening now, and Niall hasn’t stirred an inch. The nurses keep coming in to check on him, but there isn’t much change. Louis, Liam and Zayn are sat in the chairs next to the far wall facing the hospital bed Niall’s currently in. Louis has his head resting against Liam’s shoulder fast asleep from his outburst earlier. Liam’s asleep too his head resting against the wall. Paul keeps popping in and out, but he’s been on the phone for most of the evening, speaking to the rest of management and cancelling the tour as soon as they can. 

They’ve decided it for the best right now. Whatever’s going on with Niall is obviously not good and not a simple fix. They don’t know what happened, but they know they’re going to do whatever it takes to put it right. If that means postponing to tour then so be it. 

“I don’t know” Harry whispers in response from his position in the chair next to Niall’s bed. He’s got Niall’s hand intertwined with his own and has taken the seat next to the bed after Louis had moved earlier. 

Zayn hasn’t said a word since they had got here and it’s obvious that’s he’s feeling the impact of what Niall’s done. This is just his way of dealing with it clearly. 

Harry knows he must have fallen asleep at some stage because his next conscious thought is that something is beeping, loudly and frantically. 

When he opens his eyes he sees a bright pair of blue eyes looking back at him wide and alarmed. He sits up in surprise and softly calls Niall’s name. It’s then he sees the raw fear in Niall’s eyes and realises the monitor for Niall’s heart rate is beeping erratically. He shoots his hand out to the nurse’s button and slams a hand into it before turning back to Niall and whispering soft reassurances. 

A moment later Niall’s room is full of people and the other boys are abruptly awoken and then removed from the room. A nurse then comes to him and asks him to leave, he struggles for a moment but is then pushed from the room and the door is closed in his face. 

Later they’re told that Niall had had a panic attack from shock and had had to be sedated. 

It leaves Harry feeling cold knowing that Niall is still suffering and there isn’t much he can do. He feels useless for not knowing and his mind wonders back to the interviews. He knows he was acting off with Niall that day, rather cold. He wonders whether that had made Niall walk out.

So he sits back at Niall’s bed again, once they’re allowed back in and takes his hand. He tells him everything about how he’s feeling and how he feels for him. He tells him he’s sorry and how he wishes he would wake up. He doesn’t even know if Niall can hear him. But he feels better knowing he has told him - whether Niall is conscious or not.

But then Niall wakes up again. This time it’s much better, he doesn’t freak out or panic, in fact he doesn’t say a word until the doctor comes in, other than his name. The doctors then asking questions, his name, his birthday, his occupation and their names – which Niall remembers and Harry silently thanks whichever God is listening at that moment. But then the question of how the drinking started and Niall clams up. He looks around the room at them and then to the blanket beneath him. 

He won’t say anything… 

They’re asked to leave the room. 

Which leads them to now, sitting here and waiting to be told just what the hell is going off in Niall’s mind. 

They wait for longer than any of them can stand and Liam’s taken to pacing up and down the corridor. It makes Harry even more nervous, but he doesn’t want to say anything in case it sets someone off. But Louis doesn’t share the same sentiment. 

“Liam! For fuc-” 

He’s cut off by the doctor walking back out face as grim as always. Again they jump to attention like children caught in the middle of doing wrong. 

“So what’s happening?” Paul takes the lead once more, and again the doctor sighs.

“From what I can tell Mr Horan took up the drinking as an escape to start with. He was feeling stressed and a little under pressure from the workload and simply shall we say needed a release. But it seems he became too dependent on the alcohol and unfortunately became addicted. I’m afraid to say but I’m going to have to diagnose him as an alcoholic. He’s going to need to seek professional help from a rehab centre. I’m advising that you remove him from the tour and send him back to London. I’m going to book him into the nearest rehab centre there. There is a two week wait so I advise he be sent to his family in Ireland for now until he’s due to go. Some time away with them may help. Naturally he’s not to touch a drop of alcohol during this time. Once he’s in the centre they will take over from there. I’ll give you the leaflet for the place and the details of the clinic” 

Harry’s world brakes in that moment and he doesn’t catch half of what is said. 

He hates that Niall is already being labelled so quickly just like that. 

Alcoholic. 

He hates it. 

-X- 

Niall’s scared. His parents are apparently coming to fetch him from America. They’re going to take him home to Ireland. He’s staying there for two weeks and then being taken to London to be booked in a rehab centre for God knows how long. It’s safe to say his life is most likely over. 

He doesn’t even want to face his parents. They’re bound to already know. He knows Paul must have told them by now. They’re going to be so disappointed in him. 

He can’t look at the boys either properly. They all huddle round him, saying nothing, just hugging him and giving him these sympathetic looks that try to convey how sorry they are. 

He can’t even feel anything due to the pain medication for his stomach. 

But they release him from hospital and send him back to the hotel to pack. He’s not left alone for a second. Someone is always with him now, which frustrates him to death. They act like he’s going to run away at any moment and pilfer a bottle of wine from somewhere. Which just for the record he isn’t – no matter how bad the urge is he isn’t stupid enough to do it with Preston and Paul shadowing his every move. 

Harry comes into him at some point and sits beside him while he waits on his bed. He doesn’t say anything just sits next to him for a while. 

But after a moment it’s clear he feels awkward with the silence and breaks it. 

“You know I’m going to be here right?” he says. 

“Yeah, you and everyone else has already told me” he tells him back and looks to the floor. 

“No I mean like, I’m going to be here the whole time and if you want someone to, you know, hold your hand or anything, I’ll do it. I just want to be there for you…” 

“Did you mean it?” Niall then asks breaking Harry off. 

He doesn’t care about this whole needing someone to hold his hand business. Ever since he got out of hospital all he’s been able to think about – asides from facing his family – is what Harry said at the hospital while he was out. He can’t help but wonder if Harry meant that or not.

“Of course I mean it! I’ll be here for you alwa-” 

“No. Not that. I mean about what you said at the hos-” 

“Niall, your mum and dad are here” 

Niall huffs when Paul appears at the door glancing in at the two expectantly. He’d called Niall’s parents at the hospital and arranged for them to fly over. He’d been constantly updating them on what was happening and they’re fully aware of the situation. Niall doesn’t doubt that his brother is too. 

So he lugs his bags from the hotel room and makes his way down to the reception where his parents pull him in for hugs and kisses and teary eyes. The boys come with them to the airport and wrap him in hugs and kisses to his temple and Niall feels like he’s being sent to war and not home. He knows they’re just concerned but he bitterly wishes that they weren’t, It hurts to know he’s causing so much worry. 

Harry finally makes his way to him and twirls his arms around him. His hug seems to hold so much more meaning than the rest, the way he connects their bodies and presses them so tightly together that there’s no room for space. His face is buried into his neck and his chocolate curls tickle his cheek slightly. Somehow his lips find the shell of his ear. 

“Please stay safe. I need to talk to you when I see you next okay? I love you so much…” 

Then he pulls away and presses a kiss to his cheek and Niall knows the meaning behind it. A way of saying goodbye to someone you love. He and Harry had once jokingly looked up different meaning behind kisses and now the two of them are fluent in the language. 

His head shoots up to look at him and his eyes are open wide in shock, but Harry only smiles fondly down at him and gives him back to his parents who lead him away. 

He shuts down the while flight home. 

Greg is a mix of overly concerned and furious at him when he sees him. He pulls him in close much like Harry did and presses his face into his hair, as if to check he’s really there. Then he draws back and holds him at arm’s length while he shouts at him and asks him some pretty stupid questions – like “What were you thinking” and to Niall it’s pretty obvious that he wasn’t. 

His parents decide to go out shopping to get in some provisions, because his father wasn’t expecting company and the fridge is pretty empty right now. His mother is going to be staying as well as his brother to keep an eye on him and so they need to stock up. Greg goes upstairs for a moment to fetch something so when the doorbell goes Niall answers. 

He’s shocked to find his three best friends standing there on the other side, but smiles at them anyway and invites them in. 

“We heard you were back. What happened?” Sean asks giving him that really annoying look of worry everyone’s been throwing his way. 

“Nothing much. We had an emergency break. Some problems came up and we all got sent home” he tells them a plan already forming in his mind. 

“Why the hell was Styles going mad and calling us then? He said they couldn’t find you” Darragh says looking unconvinced. 

He laughs and then shoots them a cheeky smile. 

“Well I thought I would go for a sneaky drink during the break we had for the interviews” he informs them and really it isn’t far from the truth really. So he knows he isn’t lying. 

“You sneaky little bastard!” Sean laughs lightly smacking him round the head. “You had us right worried! Thought you had had some sort of breakdown or something” 

“Nah! Don’t be stupid. Anyway, you fancy a quick drink now? Celebrate me being back and stuff?” 

They all grin and nod and Sean clamps a hand to his shoulder steering him out. 

“Good to have you back Nialler. You’re buying the first round though!” 

He leaves Greg a note. Tells him he’s gone out for a walk with the lads. He doesn’t say where. He doesn’t want to worry him. 

He can’t help it. 

He’s desperate… 

-X- 

The pub is packed when they get there. He knocks into several people on the way to the bar, but people know him here so it’s okay and he gets left alone for the most part. His eyes scan a rather large bottle of vodka sitting on the back shelf behind the bar and he grins as he points it out to the bartender. 

“Woah, woah! Niall! It’s only afternoon! I thought we were having a quick drink mate! Save the heavy stuff for later yeah?” Dylan tells him as he orders the drinks in. 

“Don’t be stupid!” he says back. “My treat. Don’t worry about it” 

They look concerned. Niall doesn’t drink vodka or shots very much, in fact most of the time he sticks to plain beer, so they don’t understand the sudden change. But they go along with it. Niall’s paying so he can order what he wants. 

However ten minutes later Niall feels a hand clamp down on his shoulder and he quickly turn round and comes face to face with none other than Niall Breslin; and they guy doesn’t look happy. 

In fact he yanks Niall straight out of the pub with his drink still in hand. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” he half shouts shaking him roughly. 

By this point Sean, Darragh and Dylan are outside too looking on in horror. They know who Niall Breslin is and they know him and Niall are close, so the sudden fierce question catches them off guard. 

“Mate! What are you doing?!” Sean yells back stepping forward to grab Niall back. 

But Niall Breslin rounds on him and shoots him a dark look. 

“Why the fuck are you letting him drink? Don’t you realise how dangerous it is for him right now! Are you fucking stupid?!” he hisses at a dumbfounded Sean. 

“What are you talking about mate? It’s just a drink. It’s not going to kill him” 

“Don’t you fucking know what happened a couple of days ago. He nearly died from that so called drink. He still could!” Breslin goes on to say looking at Sean like he was trying to argue that the sky was green. 

Sean’s eyes go wide as do the others. He openly stares at Niall for a second who drops his head. 

“Niall… What’s going on?” he asks voice hitching in fear. 

“We don’t have time for this” Breslin then says huffing. He turns Niall away in the direction of the car park round the back. “Come on. I’m taking you home. You three better come too” he says taking the glass from Niall’s hand and dropping it straight into the bin. 

The car ride back starts as silent, but Sean’s never been too good with silences. 

“Seriously, what the fuck is going on?!” he questions from the back seat. 

“Why haven’t you told them?” Breslin asks Niall not taking his eyes from the road and acting like Sean never even said anything. 

His anger shows from the force that he’s gripping his steering wheel and Niall feels the dread of upsetting someone else building in his stomach. He wishes Harry was here suddenly. Harry would make all this better. He’d wrap him up in those amazing hugs and speak to him in that lazy tone he always does. Maybe they could even have that talk that Harry promised. 

“Why are you here?” Niall asks back in a whisper so unlike his normal bubbly self. 

“I was coming to see you. Harry told me what happened. I was concerned and I wanted to help” he gets told. 

Niall says nothing. 

His parents are home by the time they get back and they’re worried sick. Greg is too, but he doesn’t get angry this time. Instead he apparently feels guilty for letting Niall out of his sight. 

“I didn’t know it was this bad!” his mother cries to Breslin. “I never thought he would lie to his own family just to get his fix!” she wails. 

Niall feels a stab of ice deep down. His own mother is treating him like some sort of drug addict… It shocks him. But he guesses he might as well be. He did after all lie to them just to release his cravings. 

Sean, Dylan and Darragh get the situation explained to them too, but Niall doesn’t see their reactions to the news. They’re sent away soon after, but not before being told to keep their mouths shut. Niall knows they will already though. 

Greg calls the rehab centre. They try to get him booked in sooner since he’s pulled such a desperate stunt and they agree to move the date forward. He now only has three days left in Ireland before he has to go. Niall Breslin agrees to take him in the end and see him in, and that brings comfort to his parents. 

His dad throws out all the alcohol in the house as a safety precaution and Breslin stays too taking the sofa in the living room. 

He fights during the first day he’s there after trying to be sneaky and get out of the house. His brother tries to stop him and reaches out to grab his arm. He lashes out and hits him. His father, brother and Breslin end up having to pin him down to stop him from leaving in search of the nearest pub, and Niall has no idea where his sudden burst of strength comes from. He end up in tears by the time he’s done fighting and has a major breakdown which he spends day two sleeping off lounging around on the sofa watching old re-runs on TV. 

The final day he goes out. Breslin comes with him and they walk along some rural footpaths in silence for a while. It’s nice to get out and breathe in some fresh air. He knows he won’t get much of it when he goes into rehab after all and so he makes the most of his homeland while he can. 

In the end he talks to the older man though. He tells him everything about how he’s feeling and the mess he’s in with Harry. Breslin doesn’t say anything. He lets Niall talk it all out and when he’s done and Niall’s near to tears again he pulls him in for a brotherly hug. He’s always been protective of Niall when it came to the public eye and he’s always told him to give him a ring if it ever became too much. But it seems Niall had tried to deal with it himself. The results clearly hadn’t been good. 

But Ireland can’t protect him forever. 

He leaves for London to the displeasure of his parents who are desperate to shield him for a little longer.

He ends up going back to his flat to pick up a fresh set of clothes and other things to take into rehab. It’s sad really and feels like he’s simply packing for another long stay in another country instead of rehab. He has to convince himself that’s what happening. He knows he wouldn’t have done it otherwise, because if he’s honest with himself he’s terrified. 

Harry drops round to see him. The other boys have all gone back home to see their families and make use of time they’ve been given off. Niall doesn’t blame them really. He knows if roles had been reversed he’d most likely have done the same. But he’s glad Harry’s here. 

He grips onto him tightly when he arrives and Niall Breslin gives them some space to talk.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks and Niall knows it’s more to be polite. Harry obviously knows he’s feeling like crap, but Niall gives him a small smile anyway. 

“Alright I guess considering I’m about to be sent to the nuthouse” 

“Hey, don’t look at it like that. You’re going to see people who are going to be able to help you get back to do doing what you love again” Harry tells him firmly fixing him with a stern look. 

Niall sighs but relents to Harry and nods. 

“When you get out I’ll be here. I’ll come see you whenever I can okay? You’re going to be sick to death of me” 

His heart warms at the word and he knows without even looking that his cheeks are warm and he most likely resembles a tomato right now. 

“Y-yeah?” 

“Yeah” 

He kisses him again but this time it’s over his closed left eye. Again Niall knows what it means and smiles slightly once Harry pulls back. 

He knows for sure now that Harry definitely feels something for him. 

“When you come back. Can we talk more?” Harry asks looking him straight in the eyes holding his hand in his. 

“Yeah” 

-X- 

It’s not easy. Niall didn’t think it would be though. 

He has his own therapist that he had to talk to and her name’s Rachel. She’s nice enough. But sometimes it’s hard because Niall knows that she wants to know everything that he’s thinking about and what he thinks is helping him. 

But Niall doesn’t want to tell him about how he thinks about Harry no stop and the sort of, maybe promise of more than friendship once he gets out. It’s personal and the line ends at “I sort of have someone waiting for me when I’m done here” – it’s as much as she’s getting from him. Plus he knows that management is getting reports on how he’s doing every couple of days and Harry and him haven’t even talked about what they might say to them yet. 

Harry calls him lots though. He’s only been able to visit once since he came in two weeks ago. The first week he wasn’t allowed any contact with the outside world and to be honest he felt more like a prisoner. 

But it helps and Harry tells him about normal things that are happening. Like how he went shopping the other day and was mobbed by fans. Niall finds he’s really missing the fans. He misses speaking to them every day on twitter and seeing them when he’s out and about. He even misses taking pictures with them and just knowing that their there. It’s horrible. 

The worst is the cravings. He suffers with them so bad and is literally fighting the nurses, screaming and shouting. When he loses the strength he falls to the floor and curls into a ball and scratches at his skin trying to desperately escape himself. They have sedate him a couple of times when it gets to the point where he’s physically causing himself harm to distract himself. Every time it happens Niall hates himself a little more knowing that Paul is going to see what’s been happening from the reports being sent. 

They tell him that the cravings will become easier to deal with as time passes, but he doesn’t believe them at first. 

But then the second week comes and he’s finally allowed to speak to and see Harry. He comes to see him as much as he can and tells him comforting things and places little kisses everywhere. His lips when he sees him, his forehead and nose while they’re together and finally his hand when he leaves with a tickle at his ear as he whispers his parting words. He never says goodbye anymore. It’s always “see you later” or “I’ll be back soon” but Niall tries to not read too much into it. 

Harry promises him that they’ll be together when he’s out. He knows Harry doesn’t want to complicate things until he’s finished in rehab and Niall tries to respect that. But Harry gives him so much hope, and while it helps him through the craving and hard times, it also makes him sad because he just wishes he could hurry up and leave now. 

So he tries to forget about it when Harry leaves and focuses on getting back on track again. 

-X- 

They day he gets let out Niall Breslin comes to pick him up. He wasn’t expecting it, and it’s a nice surprise if he’s honest. He had known that the man would be staying with him for a while to help him get back to the norm. But he had truly expected Paul to be the one waiting for him. 

They chat and hug and Niall feels so much better seeing a familiar face after so long. It’s taken a good 2 months to get where he is now, although it feels like longer than that. He still isn’t allowed to drink anything alcoholic, but his therapist has told him not to ever rule anything out. She seems to think that one day Niall will be able to have alcohol again without the craving for more. But for now Niall’s staying well away. 

Once he’s home he feels so much better. He moves straight to his sofa and jumps face first into it inhaling the smell of home. But something strikes him as odd as he lies there. There’s a single glass on his table. He’s pretty sure he didn’t leave it here when he left. 

“Hey… Has anyone been here while I’ve been away?” he asks Breslin who’s kindly brought Niall’s bags in leaving them in the hall. 

"Oh yeah. Harry’s been staying here while you’ve been away. He figured you wouldn’t mind since all the lads have keys to your place. I think he’s probably still in bed” 

Niall grins and jumps up eagerly. 

“Yeah, I’ll be right back make yourself at home!” he calls over his shoulder and manages to catch the grin on the older man’s face as he switches Niall’s TV on. 

Once upstairs Niall moves around to the guest bedroom and finds it oddly empty and it looks as though no one’s been in there for ages. The sight confuses him and wonders whether Harry really had been staying in his house. But then he catches a soft glow from underneath his own bedroom door and blinks in confusion. 

Slowly he approaches the door and pushes it open gently. 

The room is dark and the curtains are obviously drawn. However a soft yellow glow bathes the room from fairy lights strung around the walls. Niall blinks stepping into the room a little more and glances down when he steps on something soft. There’s red rose petals lining the floor of his room and trailing towards the bed where none of than Harry Styles himself is sat crossed legged with that goofy smile on his face, obviously enjoying Niall’s confusion. 

Niall can’t help but stand in shock as he takes in the candles set on his set of draws and a bottle of orange juice sat in a bucket of ice and two wine glasses next to it. 

“I thought we could celebrate. You know seeing as your home and all” Harry says smiling at him warmly as he moves off the bed and comes to take his hand and lead him over to the bed. “I know there’s a no alcohol zone in your house now so I thought maybe we could try orange juice instead. I know it’s not nearly as romantic, but it’s the best I can do for now. I’m not much of a fan of wine anyway…” 

Niall doesn’t know what to say. He’d never been expecting this, never in a million years. Harry naturally seems to take his silence the wrong way and immediately begins to panic. 

“Oh God. It’s too much isn’t it? I’m moving too fast. I’m sorry I know you only just got out and I didn’t mean t-” 

Niall cuts him off and folds their lips together as his answer, and it doesn’t take long for Harry to get the hint. He brings his hands up to Niall’s cheek and cradles it there for a moment before stroking circles with the pads of his thumbs. Niall in turn rewards him by looping his arms around his neck and bringing himself up onto his toes to press them closer. He then threads a hand into Harry’s curls and pulls them lightly. Harry pauses and pulls back to look down at him and Niall instantly feels like he’s done wrong for a second as he sees Harry’s hesitant gaze. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? I’m not trying to undermine you or anything I just don’t want to push it if you’re not ready. I can wait… I mean it’s okay if you don’t want t-” 

Niall rolls his eyes and launches his attack again and then draw back so their foreheads are kissing slightly as stares straight into Harry’s emerald eyes, praying that he gets the message this time. 

“Harry. Babe, I love you, I honestly do. But please kindly stop talking” 

Harry only grins in return and re-connects their lips with more determination this time. 

Things get heated as Harry backs Niall to the bed and falls with him in a heap there and Niall can really smell the rose petals now as they brush against his cheek. Harry watches him for a moment lying there against the bed beneath him and grins. This just feels right. He draws his hands up Niall’s thighs and leans down to press light kisses from his collar bone up his jawline to his cheeks and finally his lips again. He presses his tongue against his lips and breaks through at Niall’s permission.

By now his fingers are skimming under Niall’s top and up his soft skin of his stomach. Niall breaks out in goose bumps as he feel Harry’s fingers begin to explore. He’s never done this with a boy before, and even though he’s fantasized about it many times he still doesn’t really know what to expect. But he trusts Harry and just really hopes he knows what to do; which from what he’s seeing and feeling now he guesses he does. Although he doesn’t know if he should be jealous or not of who he’s practiced with.

Harry smirks against the skin at Niall’s neck which he’s currently nipping and licking at with the intention of leaving quite the mark. He can feel Niall begin to shake and squirm beneath him and from the semi hard bulge he can feel pressing against his leg he knows Niall’s getting excited. Which is good really because he’s hard too. 

His hands find their way to Niall’s nipples and he slowly, almost agonisingly drags his index finger over the left one. Niall lets out a soft moan against his will and then tries to bite his lip to stop himself from doing it again as Harry repeats the action over the right. But Harry won’t have him doing that and so slowly pulls Niall’s top up and runs his tongue over his left bud. Niall can’t help it the next time as his lets out a groan and bucks his hips up only to flush in embarrassment and bring a hand up to shield his face. 

He wants to die because he just sounded like a slut begging for it in his eyes. But Harry thinks quite the opposite and is shocked by how much the noise Niall makes actually affects him. He’s instantly frowning when he catches Niall move his hand over his face and sits up straddling him again and rested their crotches against each other causing more friction. 

“Hey… Don’t hide. I want to see to see the faces you’re going to make and I want to see you enjoying it. So please don’t hide. I want to share this with you…” he tells him gently as he take Niall’s hands in his own and pins them down either side of his head intertwining them. 

Niall doesn’t say anything, but actions speak louder than words and as Harry grinds down on him and connects to most sensitive parts of their bodies Niall swears for just a second he shuts down in pleasure. He lets out another string of noises, but this time doesn’t feel as bad seeing as Harry does too. The room fills with all sorts of emotions and Niall is sure Harry can feel the same.

Hands are then at the waistband of his jeans and Harry’s sending him a look asking for permission again. Niall nods and Harry’s hands are then pulling down his jeans and boxers together. He then does the same for himself and helps him to remove both their shirts. It’s not nearly as awkward as Niall thought it might be and if he’s honest he truly does feel like the most natural thing in the world. 

Harry doesn’t waste any time in getting back to what he started and Niall gasps as his hand finds his way to his cock and slowly begins to stroke his length. The boys had always made jokes about Harry being good in bed because of his tracks record of rumours and they had always said it had to be because he was good with his hands. Niall now knows he’s never going to make a joke of it again. 

It’s like he knows where and how to touch him. It’s scary just how good he seems. Niall knows it has to be that or the fact that he’s practically a virgin when it comes to homosexual activities in the bedroom - though he’s leaning more toward the later seeing as he doesn’t have any experience.

He’s naturally a little shy because of it and so resorts to simply engaging Harry in more tonsil hockey instead to make up for it and Harry seems quite happy to lead.

Harry then twists his hand around him again and Niall arcs his back feeling a knot form in his stomach. The pressures building but Harry then moves away from his length, much to Niall’s displeasure which is voiced by a whine. 

“Sorry baby. But I got to stretch you out, otherwise it’s going to hurt” 

Niall doesn’t argue. Harry clearly knows what to do and he doesn’t want his first time with Harry to be filled with pain. 

“Do you erm, have any you know?” Harry then asks awkwardly rubbing neck slightly. 

Niall blinks up in confusion. 

“Any what?” he says raising an eyebrow. Because seriously Niall was just in heaven from the pleasure and now Harry’s stopped to ask him stupid questions. 

“Jesus Niall… You know like, erm, lube?” 

Oh… It suddenly makes sense and Niall kicks himself mentally for looking so stupid. 

“I erm, well no” he tells him simply and grins. 

Harry doesn’t find it as funny as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration. 

“I’m not doing this if you don’t have anything. I’m not going to hurt you” he tells him firmly and Niall panics. He really wants this. 

“There’s some hand crème in the draw!” he says quickly trying to recover the situation. 

Harry finds it and Niall quickly makes sure to thank whoevers listening up there. 

The brunette then coats his fingers generously and inserts the first finger. 

Niall won’t lie to himself, it’s strange, and slightly uncomfortable. Harry must notice because he eyes lift to find his. 

“Are you okay?” he asks looking concerned and Niall only nods places a kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

So Harry inserts another, and then another. 

It gets better and Niall soon finds himself used to it and moaning when Harry’s hands brush over more sensitive nerves. 

“Ah, do that again” he pleas, slightly ashamed at the high pitch in his tone. 

But Harry grins and repeats the action none the less. 

His body pretty much takes over after that and leaves his mind behind to catch up later. 

Harry positions himself and pushes in slowly taking his time to let Niall adjust again, and God does it hurt at first. It’s like he’s being stretched out all over again and he can’t help but pull a face and wince. Harry questions it but he tells him its fine and he’ll be okay.

He pulls himself together a moment later and Harry starts to slowly thrust in and out again. He builds up a steady rhythm and distracts Niall with kisses to his neck searching out his sensitive spot there and finding it within moments.

Niall arcs his back again when he does and tries to keep up with Harry’s movements looping his arms around his back and pulling the taller boy back towards him. His breath goes shallow and the pleasures building up in his stomach pooling warmly. He hopes Harry’s feeling the same, because he knows that this is the best he’s felt in a while.

He feels Harry shudder for a moment and their lips connect again as Harry reaches his climax at the same time as him and he comes inside of him and he against Harry’s chest. Harry then collapses against him and places a messy kiss to his neck before burying his face there still lying half over him. 

He grins and turns to face him curling onto him as much as he can. 

“You’re amazing. You really are” Harry tells him smiling warmly as he strokes a hand down his cheek. “I’m only sorry that I never had the courage to tell you sooner…” 

Niall shakes his head and takes Harry’s hand in his to place a kiss there. 

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m okay and so are you. We’re together and that’s all that matters now” 

Harry still looks away though and Niall frowns wondering what wrong. 

“I still wanted to explain something though. When you were in hospital I thought about it a lot. That day when you got rushed in, I know I had been acting like a prat. I wanted to apologise, but by the time we got to you they had already taken you in. I’m sorry I know I must have been part of the reason why you did what you did that day. I was just so angry… I wasn’t thinking. If I had known… Oh God if I had known…” 

Niall stops to stare at him wondering what he means by angry. He knows it must have had something to do with Louis – because Harry had been glaring at him all day. 

“Did you fall out with Lou?” he asks him watching as Harry blinks and looks back to him in confusion – it’s not that then. 

“Wha- no! I erm, well I saw you with him. You were in bed together hugging. I know I shouldn’t have just walked in but I was looking for you and I didn’t think to knock…” he murmurs looking away in embarrassment, and Niall still thinks it’s adorable. 

He grins in the realisation that Harry had been jealous and feels a bubble of affection burst inside him knowing that Harry had felt that way. 

“Don’t be silly. I didn’t do anything with him” he laughs. “He and Eleanor had had another falling out and I just sort of comforted him. He didn’t want me to leave and I ended up falling asleep there” 

Harry looks relived as he explains and kisses him again and then looks embarrassed. 

“Good. So long as you don’t do it again… I don’t want to see you in bed with anyone except me” he tells him still looking shy. 

It makes him grin again and laugh. 

He hasn’t laughed properly in what feels like months. So he lets it all out. All of the fear and hiding and lies and pain. Everything gets realised all at once. 

He suddenly realises in that moment that this feeling, this feeling is similar to when he used to get drunk. The feeling of being alive. He’d been told by one of the nurses that all he needed was to find something that would equal being drunk and this is it. Being with Harry, whether they were having sex or not brought him the same feeling of pure joy. Being with someone who clearly loved him and who he felt the same for.

Harry had literally saved him from himself.

-X-

Getting drunk no longer brings the same effects it used to. But he doesn’t need it now. His has his friends, family, band mates and amazing boyfriend there when he next steps out in stage his hand intertwined with Harry’s as they let the roar of the crowd wash over them. 

Getting drunk is no longer his idea of fun.

-X- 

Okay so that was fun… My first smut thing… Again if anyone wants to send me in any prompts feel free! :D


End file.
